We Are All God's Handiwork

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”  Ephesians 2:10

If you have heard of Joni Eareckson Tada, you know she is a Christian speaker, author, artist and singer.  You also know that she has been a quadriplegic since 1967 when, at the age of 17, she had a tragic diving accident.  Joni is one of the leading advocates for people with disabilities across the US and across the globe.

Joni and Friends  http://www.joniandfriends.org/  Family Retreats minister to families with disabilities by offering a camp experience that the entire family can enjoy.  Activities are planned for people with special needs, their siblings and their parents.  I recently served as an STM for a week at Spruce Lake in the Poconos.  We are called STMs or “Short Term Missionaries” as a reminder that an estimated 90% of families with disabilities do not attend church on a regular basis. Going anywhere often requires much effort and some people are concerned they might not be welcome, the environment might not be safe or they have no spiritual gifts to contribute.  Joni and Friends addresses these issues extremely well and has been a great resource for Side by Side -- our special needs ministry -- as we seek to address these same issues in our church.

This year, I was assigned to a 9 year old boy with autism. My role was to accompany him to his various activities and help him get the most from his camp experience while his mom attended camp activities for adults.  I can tell you that I slept soundly every night and learned some great new riddles as well.

I’d like to tell you about three people who come to mind from my experience at Joni & Friends.

First is a young man with Cerebral Palsy.  He walks with a halting gait and his speech is severely impaired.  He communicates with sign language and a hand held electronic device that speaks whatever he types.  He loves to sing but you would never recognize the tune or the words. The tune of his heart comes through loud and clear.

The second person who comes to mind is a young woman who recently graduated from college.  She uses a power wheelchair but also gets around with the aid of crutches.  She is a happy and inspiring young lady.

The thing that impressed me about these young adults is that neither of them were attending Joni and Friends as Campers seeking ministry -- they were Volunteers serving other families.  The young lady was an STM to a woman with Down Syndrome and the young man worked on the production team.  They didn’t let their disabilities exclude them from serving but they offered their gifts and talents for God’s glory.

The third “person” I thought of is a collective you and me.  

Have we created an accepting environment that invites everyone to use and develop their abilities for God’s glory or do we focus on their disabilities and move them to the sidelines?

How many times do we disqualify ourselves from ministry because of our own “disabilities” -- our fears, lack of experience, schedule or personal circumstances? In what ways could we be serving God and His people if we were to trust Him to use and develop the gifts and talents that he has given us? 

Think of these two young people from Joni and Friends.  Step out of your comfort zone and discover the joy of using your gifts and talents for the glory of the the One who created you 

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”  Ephesians 2:10

Comments?  Thoughts?  We’d love to hear from you. Come along side.  Side by Side, we’ll grow together.

Life is About Caring - Even in a Hardware Store

Probably one of the most desirable part time jobs for a new retiree is to work in a hardware store.  So, when my brother in law called and asked me if I was interested in working in his hardware store two days a week, he caught my attention.

Now, I’m not much of a handyman myself, but the possibility of working in a place that sells tools, hardware, electrical supplies, plumbing and paint seemed to appeal to my masculine side. Throw in John Deere, Stihl and Honda lawn equipment and this was too good to treat lightly.

I played it cagey.  “I won’t have to wear a funny vest, will I?”

“No.  No vest.”

“Do I get an employee discount?” 

“Yes, you get a discount.”

And now, the deal maker or deal breaker.  I purposely saved it for last. This would decide everything.  “What about the dumpster?  Would I have unlimited use of the dumpster?”

“For dumping or diving?”

“Sign me on.”

I’ve been there for about 6 years now. I enjoy the people I work with and I like the atmosphere of a small town, privately owned hardware store.  I decided that if this job was to be any fun at all, I would try to take a personal interest in each person that came through the door – find something I could talk about with each customer.  I take cues from their clothing, ask about their projects or admire their cars.

I’ve met some interesting people.  One of our customers is an author.  Another is an artist. One creates artwork from glass.  Some buy hardware to restore old cars or boats.  Another spent a small fortune on hardware for a homemade pumpkin launcher. There is no end to our customers’ creativity.  Of course, there are also the klutzes.  I try to encourage them that a project is successful if completed with no more than three trips to the store and no measurable blood shed.  That’s been my personal standard for years.

Children and dogs make for great customers.  Kids tend to break things or drive tractors into trees.  Dogs chew things.  One customer bought new garden hoses every two weeks or so because his dog kept chewing the old ones.  We don’t see him too often in winter time.

Sometimes customers come in and they are obviously hurting -- backs stooped over, a hitch in their step, deep circles under their eyes from interrupted sleep.  For others, the pain is less obvious.

One morning I welcomed a man as he came through the door. 

 

“Nails!” he responded.

This customer would be a challenge. I had flashed my best smile, gave a friendly greeting and he virtually ignored me.

I directed the customer to the fastener aisle and resolved to try to break through his icy facade.  When he came to the register, I noticed a Chesapeake Bay logo on his hat.

“Do you spend much time at the Chesapeake”? 

He looked at me and his face began to soften. His eyes warmed and his lips eased into a soft smile.  “My wife and I used to go there every summer.  We loved to fish together. It was one place we could really relax together. She died last month from Lupus.”

I told the man that my mother has also died from complications related to Lupus.  I offered my condolences and told him I would remember him in my prayers.  He thanked me and went on his way with a hint of a smile on his face and a box of nails in his hand.

Life is about caring – even in a hardware store.

Comments?  Suggestions?  We’d love to hear from you.  Come along side.  Side by Side we’ll grow together.

Great News Still !

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night.  An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.  But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people.  Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.  This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

“Glory to God in the highest heaven,
and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”
When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child,  and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them.  But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.  The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

Merry Christmas from Side by Side.

Peter's Eulogy

Peter was a regular attendee at our church. He was a 53 year old adult with Down Syndrome who lived with his sister Amanda and her family for the past 13 years.  Their love and care for Peter has been an inspiration to us all.  Peter passed away just a few weeks ago.  Amanda’s eulogy of Peter is a moving and sometimes humorous tribute to her brother and a reminder that all life is a precious gift of the Lord. I hope you find this to be a blessing to you as well.

Peter’s Eulogy

First of all, thank you all so much for coming.  To those of you who sent cards and emails, called on the phone, hugged me in the hall, brought food over when I told you I was fine—to those of you who knew what to do when I did not, you have my utmost gratitude and thanks.  To Glenn’s family, my family, who have stood by us the last 13 years, I am so glad for each one of you.  And to the two angels who sat with me at different times in the ICU during those last 4 days, I can never bless your heart as much as you blessed mine.

Peter was born on Sept. 1, 1958, a month premature, and very blue.  When the pediatrician was called, he told the docs he could not come, and so my mother’s obstetrician called another pediatrician whom we did not know, but who came immediately. He got Peter stabilized, and after a time Peter was allowed to come home. 

As I looked at his face for the first time, peering over my mom’s shoulder in the car, I thought he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.  My dad turned to me, grieving, because after 3 daughters and wanting another son, this was not the son he had anticipated.  He said, “Amanda, he will never be what you want him to be.” trying to shield me from the heartache that he was feeling.  But the Lord was at work even then, because I was too young to have any expectations.  I was just happy to see this little baby, my new playmate. 

It was decided early that Peter should be placed in an institution so as not to “hurt the other children”, so we made the journey to check out a Training Center that was recommended to us.  My parents were sick at what they saw and the decision was made by them right then that Peter would be a permanent part of our home.  And so it began.

What do you say about someone who met all his baby milestones late; who we didn’t even know if he would meet them at all?  What do you say about someone who never learned to drive, so never owned a car, never married or had children, even though he talked about it all the time, someone who never went to college, never could do the things that we take for granted?  Peter had no influential job, no income to speak of, no relationships like we have that we so treasure, no great ability to communicate since his speech was difficult to understand, no brain that functioned the way a “normal” person’s would.  Peter was trapped inside a body with a brain that limited what he could do.  But what he did have was an enormous ability to make us laugh, and he had an extraordinary ability to say the wrong thing at the right time.  His imitation of Clint Eastwood saying “Go ahead, make my day” is one for the books.  He had a heart for music, so much so that had he been typical, he would have far exceeded the talents of his sisters.  He had an ability to think things through, and it was fascinating to watch.  He loved looking at the moon, and would track its phases on the calendar. He loved football, and understood the game better than I.  He would tell us who was going to win the Super Bowl, and had to have the official hat of the winning team --  because that was his team.    We would say, “I thought the Redskins were your team”, and Peter would respond, “Not any more!”

Peter loved Broadway musicals, and knew all the songs from My Fair Lady, The Sound of Music, the King and I, Camelot, Carousel, Showboat, Oklahoma, and probably more that I am forgetting.  He loved John Denver, and knew the lyrics to probably 40 of his songs.  I know, because I had to sing all of those songs with him whenever I came home from college, or came home to visit.  He listened for hours, and his memory was quite keen.  He loved Elvis Presley, and two of the hymns chosen tonight are from an Elvis CD.  He knew all of Elvis’ movies, all the songs from those movies, and who co-starred with Elvis in each of those movies, and was thoroughly disgusted with me when I could not remember who was in which movie.   He was so excited when Glenn came to our home for the first time to meet our folks, and when I said, “Peter, this is Glenn”, he thought I said, “Clint”, which is the name of the hero in the movie, “Love me Tender”. His excitement knew no bounds, thinking that the movie character had come to our home.

Peter was a born musician, just never had the opportunity to perform (except in his bedroom, using his comb as his mic.)  And so to you who let him pick up your violin bow, or your cello bow, and try to play your instrument, you were giving him a gift that neither you nor he could ever have imagined.  And to you who let him put your trumpet to his lips and try to blow, you made his day.  And to the bell choir who let him play his guitar so off key while we practiced, I am so thankful for your patience.  And to the one who gave him a handbell, and told him when to ring it--He loved it.  And to my dear husband who cared enough to try and tune his guitar, when it really did not matter, it was such a measure of love.  You all treated him like a typical person, and for a special needs person, that is the gift that is priceless.  Holy Ground—it puts us on Holy Ground.

Peter loved birthdays and Christmas.  He loved being the center of attention—just like any five year old.  He would inform me in June that his birthday was September 1^st, as if I had forgotten, and would remind me DAILY that his birthday was coming.  And when I told him that we were skipping September one year, and I held the calendar pages together, so that when I flipped from August, October showed up,  he said, “Oh, no”, and flipped the calendar back to September.  “See?  There it is.”  There was no fooling that one. 

And his comic books—his beloved comics, of which I am sure he has over 1000.  He would pour over them for hours, and his favorite number, #4, we think came from the Fantastic Four.

           

As I was gathering Peter’s photos together for his picture boards, I remembered how he loved to mug for the camera; how much he loved chocolate cake with chocolate icing, with chocolate ice cream on the side; how sweet he looked when he was asleep. I was reminded that God uses everyone in this world to make it a better place, even those who don’t fit the “normal” criteria; and even those who are not rich, famous, beautiful, or intelligent. When I was in Romania this past summer, working with special needs adults, I was so thankful for his living example, of how we are not to look at the outward appearance, but how we are to look at the heart, just like our Lord taught us in I Samuel 16:7.  I did not see adults with special needs, who looked different than I. I saw people who I knew would bless my heart that week. 

Peter taught me teamwork, as I came alongside my mother, helping her care for him.  He taught me to never take life for granted, or the gifts that I have been given for granted.  He showed me unconditional love—most of the time.  Next to our mom, he was my biggest cheerleader.  Peter sensed when I was sad, and he rejoiced when I was honored.   To watch one so dear slowly slip away from Alzheimer’s has been a grief that God wanted me to carry; for indeed, he began to slip about 3 years ago.  But I would not have traded places for anything on this earth, because Peter had always stood by me. 

I am so thankful Peter no longer suffers, and I look forward to the day when I can actually talk to him, when we will be reunited upon another shore, and rejoice, because neither one of us suffers any more.  The thought of having a real conversation with him is one I will hold onto for the rest of my life. And I can finally ask him why he threw that croquet ball at me, and almost knocked me unconscious.  Good times.

           

The song that Debbie and Mark are going to play is called the “Hawaiian Love Song”.  It is from the Elvis movie “Blue Hawaii” and it was our song.  We sang it together many times, whenever we were together.  The words are:

“Wise men say, Only fools rush in, but I can’t help falling in love with you.
Shall I stay? Would it be a sin? For I can’t help falling in love with you.
Like a river flows surely to the sea, Darling so it goes, some things are meant to be.
Take my hand, take my whole life too, For I can’t help falling in love with you.”

And that just about sums it up.  

Thank you so much.

Comments?  Suggestions?  We'd love to hear from you.  Come along side.  Side by Side we'll grow together,

Showing God's Kindness -- Epilogue

Just about a year ago, I had the privilege as a layman of sharing my vision for a new special needs ministry in our church.  I told the story of King David and Mephibosheth and suggested four ways the church can show God’s kindness to people with special needs and their families.  These kindnesses are life, hospitality, nourishment and family care.  (See 2 Samuel  9:1-13).

Our church has not been a stranger to people with special needs.  Over the years, we have rallied in support of several people requiring long term care.  People with special needs have been included in various worship activities and in the social life of our church.  We have truly sought to welcome everyone who came though our doors. 

Yet, the special needs ministry at MEFC have often been haphazard – lacking intentionality and a guiding plan.  Our volunteers were eager but often unprepared for the challenges of a special needs ministry. People fell through the cracks and the Special Needs community was unaware of our desire to provide a welcoming and safe environment for them. We have missed opportunities to show God’s kindness to a neglected segment of our community. 

At the end of my message, I looked out at the congregation and said, “I’m looking for people to help me start a Special Needs ministry in our church. Do I know exactly what this ministry will look like?  No. Do I fully understand what it will involve?  No, I don’t.”

“I do know this:  My experiences as a hospice volunteer, a grandfather of a special needs child and a VBS volunteer have shown me that we don’t have to be trained health care providers to care for people with special needs.”

Then, who can show God’s kindness by serving in a Special Needs Ministry?

People with a passion and a desire to love and serve other people.  People who are willing to look beyond someone’s disability and see their giftedness – to see the person as God has made them to be. 

You might be looking for a way to become better connected to MEFC.  Perhaps you aren’t currently involved in ministry and are looking for the right opportunity.  Ask the Lord if he would have you join with us in this ministry.

 

What would a special needs ministry look like?

I’m not exactly sure, but I think it would look like this ….  Then I showed slides  of people of all ages with various disabilities together with volunteers who obviously cared for them.  And they all had smiles.

To my delight, and somewhat to my relief, my message was well received by our congregation.  About twenty people – seniors, young adults, teenagers, a dad and his sons, a single mom and her daughter – signed up to receive more information about how they could be involved in this new ministry. 

This past year has been a formative year for Side by Side.  We have had some modest yet encouraging results.  We are grateful for those God has sent our way and the things we have learned from them.  We have been blessed even as we seek to be a blessing.

We covet your prayers.  If you know someone or a family with special needs in the central New Jersey area, please tell them about us and invite them to give us a try.  Our church web site is mefc.org and we can be reached at side_by_side@mefc.org     

Comments?  Suggestions?  We’d love to hear from you.  Come along side.  Side by Side, we’ll grow together! 

Showing God's Kindness - Caregivers

We’ve been talking about four ways the church can show God’s kindness to people with special needs and their families based on the story of King David and Mephibosheth (2 Samuel  9:1-13).  The first three kindnesses are life, hospitality and nourishment.  In verse 9 we see that the fourth kindness was King David’s care for Mephibosheth’s family.  

⁹Then the king summoned Ziba, Saul’s steward, and said to him, “I have given your master’s grandson everything that belonged to Saul and his family. ¹⁰You and your sons and your servants are to farm the land for him and bring in the crops, so that your master’s grandson may be provided for. And Mephibosheth, grandson of your master, will always eat at my table.”

David originally inherited this land when he succeeded Saul to the throne. Now that Mephibosheth was known to be a rightful heir, David returned the land to him as a source of livelihood for Mephibosheth’s family.

Being a caregiver for someone with special needs is often a 24 / 7 responsibility.  It is a labor of love, but a labor nonetheless.  It can be all consuming with no end in sight.  Many care givers feel overwhelmed by the impact of a normal day’s activities on their physical, emotional and spiritual resources.

Consequently, many families with special needs don’t have a church home or attend worship services on a regular basis.  In addition to feeling unwelcome, quite often the burden on the caregiver will be increased rather than eased.  New environments create new challenges and new stresses.  As a result, the gospel is not reaching these families.  If they know Christ, they don’t have opportunities to grow in their faith, develop their spiritual gifts or participate in fellowship as active members of the Body of Christ. 

What kindnesses could we show to caregivers of special needs individuals?  How could our church be better prepared to befriend, encourage and provide practical helps to caregivers?

There’s no, “One size fits all” solution when it comes to ministering to caregivers.  We can’t “fix things”.  We can build relationships, come along side of people and be open to ways in which we can serve them.  We can make a meal, offer to stay with the care receiver while the caregiver gets a few hours off, or provide an activity at church so the caregiver can attend worship or go to a class.

Our daughter Sarah and her family were attending a large church when our granddaughter Kate was born with Down Syndrome.  Although Sarah had been assisting with a Sunday School class (a class for special needs children, as God would have it) she wasn’t well known.  Yet one morning Sarah received a phone call from the pastor’s wife.  She said, “Sarah, we know a young woman named Abby. She is a registered nurse and has a brother with Down Syndrome.  Abby heard about you and would like to volunteer her time to baby sit for Kate and your other children.  When you are ready, why don’t you give Abby a call and see if she can be a help to you?

    

“Abby the angel” has been a god send.  These kindnesses – shown by Abby and the pastor’s wife – have made a big difference in Sarah’s life as a caregiver and a mom.

You can make a difference too.


Comments?  Suggestions?  Come along side.  Side by Side, we'll grow together.

Showing God's Kindness -- Nourishment

We've been talking about four ways the church can show God’s kindness to people with special needs and their families based on the story of David and Mephibosheth (2 Samuel  9:1-13).

The first two kindnesses are life and hospitality.  The third kindness is nourishment.  Verse 13 tells us that Mephibosheth always ate at the King’s table.  He ate what the King ate.  He ate what the king’s family ate.  He had his own place at the King’s table.  David saw that Mephibosheth was well nourished.

The banner over our sanctuary doors says that our mission is to “Glorify God by reconciling, nurturing and equipping people according to His word.”  How can anyone – including people with special needs – be reconciled to Christ, how can they be nurtured in their faith and how can they be equipped for serving unless we invite them to our table that they may be filled?

I wonder how many of you saw the article in the Home News Tribune several months ago about an autistic Jewish teenager named Jesse who wanted to celebrate his Bar Mitzvah.  His mother contacted the Chabad Jewish Center in Monroe Township. The rabbi said, “We provide a service.  We want anyone who’s Jewish to know we are here to help.”  Volunteers worked with Jesse and customized the lessons to meet his abilities.  While other students wrote Hebrew letters, Jesse formed them in play-doh.  When it came time for the ceremony, the verses Jesse was required to recite rolled off his tongue – a remarkable accomplishment for this young man who barely speaks a handful of words on an average day.  You can see the headline – “There was not a dry eye in the house.”

We too can provide an inclusive environment in our worship, Sunday school, youth activities and community life.  Some people might need assistance in moving from a classroom to the sanctuary.  Others might benefit from helping hands when doing a craft or writing answers to a lesson.  We can make sure everyone has an opportunity to hear the gospel, discover their spiritual gifts and grow in grace as our Lord leads them – to be reconciled, nurtured and equipped according to God’s word.

A special needs ministry should not be a “program” in which people with disabilities become a project.  No, a special needs ministry should be a relationship in which we all benefit from our interactions with one another. 

Some of you might remember Amos.  Amos lived alone in a low cost housing facility.  He was confined to a wheel chair due to Cerebral Palsy and a stroke and he had difficulty speaking.  But the qualities that really defined Amos were his broad smile, his love for the Lord and his tie.  Amos always had a smile and he always wore a tie.  You might not know that for years several of our deacons visited Amos regularly, helped him with his shopping and his checkbook and brought him to church.  They would be quick to tell you that they were the ones who were blessed by Amos’s friendship.

Next time, we’ll talk about the fourth kindness that David showed Mephibosheth – care for his family.

Thoughts?  Comments?  I’d like to hear from you.  Come along side.  Side by Side, we’ll grow together!